ZAYN JAWAAD MALIK!!! WHY YOU SO KEE-YUT!!!

okay, i shouldn't spam my blog about him...

Goodness, I'd kill to get a boyfriend this hot <3

Omgosh. I'm addicted to Megan Nicole's b-e-a-utiful

It's plain awesome..

Anyways, currently chatting with Paul..

and its fated sia, everytime karan chats with me, i ain't checking my fb chat..

and when i reply, he's offline..

sad sad:(

Yay!! tomorrow school..

omg omg finally!! i effing missed you.. O.o

I need a new fb dp.

Haiss..

oh well, ima wear my candy bracelet to school tomorrow and EAT FROM IT!!

NOM NOM NOM!

so, gonna have dinner soon..

and yeahh.. SELAMAT HARI RAYA..

:))

finally, can go to recess with you guys..

Gosh, you're so damn cute! :D *melts*

K. should remain faithful to one.. haha...

Speaking of that....... k nvm..

Omg. I finally found you on Facebook.

K nvm. I bet you don't even know me:P

I used my Tagged account after a long long long time.
Goshxcz, took about an hour to clear all my notifications.

Plus, all the stupid guys wanting to exchange numbers.

Haha,funny ah, ask me fk off -.-

Anywaysss, adeline's in Malaysia still. My phone so damn silent. HAHA.
no one texts me, which is kind of a good thing. I LIKE!
I think dad found out I drink O.o
OMG, he was like " i know you both lie to me uh"
okaaayyyyy, maybe its just his tactic.
I got fooled.

So yeah, was actually planning yesterday  to drink with Shan..

I thought next week can..

Ugh. see first.

I so bloody scared of my dad now.

But heck it, Imma still drink with you one day:D

Okay, i guess I'm finally moving on??

Maybe its coz of -insert name here-

LOL. but yeah, even if he's faking it, i dont care.

Coz if its helping me, I'm fine with it.

I'll get over that(that'll prolly be another year)

:P

We both deserve this. We both cute what^^

TROLOLOL.

oh well, we'll see how things go..

Keeping my hopes up high. It might just happen yea..

(The thing is, I'll always be a cutter. No matter what. When the name written on my hand to stop me from cutting, fades away, the urge is back. And yes, i just get that sense of satisfaction when i do it. But, I've cut down way way way much... I barely hold on to a sharp object nowadays.)

K. I'm so proud of myself.

Life's going well for me now..

Maybe coz of  -insert name here- and small ears.

omgosh. two guys.

oh well, Gonna watch movies with sis. :)

And even if you're faking it, It ain't gonna change a thing. It started off this way, and Imma make sure it remains so.

~ Can't bear to go through another heartbreak.

Yesterday went for dinner at Spanish bar with family.

OMG. so tempted to drink can!
knvm. Next week must plan rdy:)

Haven't started studying yet. =.= No mood.

I made him feel like shit, and i miss him..
ugh. I'm so stupid.
So much for me and my insecurities.
Its just so different nowadays.
The moment when we pass by each other knowing the past.
nvmd, shouldn't say more about this.

Anyways, life's been average for the past few days..
Nothing new happened.
so yeah, i guess i'll update when i find the need to..
Can't wait for september holidays!

 I wanna meet ya! :D

SECRET LOVE

240811

Drink. Drunk. Drama.

LOL."Drama" was some awesome shit.

K. should not mention anything about that here.

But yeah, its fun. O.o

I can easily say that it was the time of my life. :)

250811

Prelims sucked.

I hate this. So worried for O's.

Didn't see him the whole day :(

You texted me after school:D

i shouldn't even be getting excited over this, but I am. Idk why=/

Dammit, i so wanted to go for night class.

260811

Maths paper 1 was average.

Chemistry sucks.

I hate sciences. So disgusting.

Comfirm plus chop, gonna fail.

You texted me again. Omg.

You always ask me if I have any plans.

I hate my lack of freedom:(

Out of all the people I miss, I texted you.

Okay, it was kinda weird though. I never thought I'd tell you I miss you.

I guess it was all coz of the 24th.

I should stop thinking about you.

Anyways, No school till wednesday I guess??

Yeah, so can "study"

:D

Gonna tweet and facebook and tumblr for a while. The watch some sad movie with sis.

I dont wanna cry. Ew. I don't even get affected by movies that much though.

Fall in and out of love in one day. Cool, yet sucky.

Had science practical today.
Quite fun, i think can pass:)
So yeah, yesterday was a really freaky day.
Accompanied the guys to drink at some random place..
And yea. BEER SUCKS BIG TIME.
then that MoFu idiot got drunk so god damn fast..
And didn't allow me to leave.. Gosh. Thank gos adeline was there. if not, i'm sure I never would've gotten away..
But yeah,he did it coz he was drunk.. coz today, he didn't remember any of it..
k nvm. You stupid what. I understand.
Been having great days at school.
 Coz i see you more often nowadays. haha..
You're just a distraction sia.

Anyways, took bus home with adeline today,,
And we were talking about our "fantasies"
 Too detailed though..
 Haha.. but damn epic..
Thick lips (Y)

aites, need to study and not think about certain people.

--- I wonder why I even try. I'm such an emotional freak. kbye.

I dont know if I'm forcing myself to like you, or I just really do like you.
I thought you'd just be a crush but I think it's turning out to be a little more than that.
I eagerly wait every day, just to see you in school even for a second.
I dont know, its just makes my day.
And you have no idea how fast my heart raced when you chatted with me. When you said Hi to me, when I said Hi to you and you responded.
Well, shouldn't get my hopes up high though.
Maybe you're just tryna be friendly.
Well, that's good enough for me.
I sign in to Facebook and remain online, in hopes you would start a chat with me.
That's my problem, I never start, I never do anything. And I expect too much.
Anyways, I shouldn't be bothered by this, at least not now.

English O level orals yesterday. Went awesome!
Should be able to pass and hopefully get a Merit.
Dang, got C6 for Malay O's. And just a pass for my Orals.
Fvck. You got the same too:) LOL!
So yeah, after much thought, I'm gonna retake. Hope I can at least get a B4.

Good news, I've stopped being so emotional( Maybe its because of you?) Didn't see you yesterday though:(
I'm shy to even look at you.
And whats more! You stay near me:))))))
Omfg !!! We might avtually bump into each other one day. :D
K. I should stop being so hyper.

This doesn't mean that I don't miss you. I do. I really really do, But I'm just trying to not let it affect me so much till I break down again.
This is working.
I'm so proud of myself.

Fuck it. Fuck my life. Fuck the memories. Fuck everything.
As much as I try, I know I just can't. I just fucking can't.

Maybe I shouldn't have turned you down that easily.
Maybe you will help me move on.
And now you aren't contacting me. And its all my fault.
But was I supposed to do. You never did understand me.
Don't wait for me. Seriously.
You're just gonna torture yourself and I don't want that.
Why waste your time waiting for a fucked up person like me?
I'm still living in the past and you know that.
Why're you just so stubborn.

Knvm. My mind's always occupied by things I shouldn't worry about.
I worry too much, I think about too many things, I make stupid decisions, I regret and then I cry.
I just feel so relieved when I cry everything out.
Escape all the drama in my life, but always end up in the same situation at the end of the day.
What's the use?
In the end, I'm always that sad, insecure, (foreveremo), confused person.
It's like, I need to move to another town just to escape all this hurt.

I hate love.</3

I hate how things fuck up when it ain't supposed to fuck up.
C'mon, I'm having O levels this year, and I'm distracted by this shit. AGAIN.
Why now? FML.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't be strong. Remain strong. I always end up breaking down. Like the whole world crushed me. Shattered to bits and pieces.

I so need to get drunk again. It felt good that day. I didn't have to worry about anything. And for the first time, I wasn't thinking of you...

I just gotta face it. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. I just have to put myself through it. Torture myself, its gonna be for the best of me. [I hope]

And I just realised this, I cry, cry almost every day. Cry like as if the world's gonna end. Was it coz of what I did? It seems to be. Tsk. Heck it. I'll just cry when I feel like.

I suck at controlling my emotions. After all, I'm just a girl.

Topical tests, Mock exams, Prelims, O levels.

HAISS. All crammed up starting now. FML seriously.

I lost hope on making it to poly. PFFT. might just end up in ITE.
Besides that, personal issues as well.
It's never been easy for me. And it never will be. But I know that it's the best I can do.
I have to forget EVERYTHING.
But no, thats actually not working. Coz it hurts me more.
Crying again? WTF is wrong with me?
Anyways, I can't change anything. I dont think I wanna change anything.
How can I possibly remain friends with someone after knowing that I've actually had feelings for that person before, and we were together before?
SUCKS.

And to that idiot. Miss me? Tell me. Like seriously. Why you hiding things to yourself. Talk things out with me please. I don't think you understood me(TSK. NO ONE DOES).

Fat lips = No hope.

IDK whats up with me. whenever someone calls your name, i blush,i walk away, i hide. But, i know that i dont like you. Not more than a friend.

k. this is weird.

And yeah, NDP day was average.

Fireworks, i got damn emotional i swear (i guess its the day i started crying)

Drank, for the first time ever. Sis got a little "stupid" and "immature"

And believe me, I was so damn close to texting you. Only one thing had stopped me. I deleted your number.

I try to erase memories, but it isn't helping.

It just keeps coming back. OMFG. I feel like killing myself.

I need advice. I tell them that I cry. Cry like as if someone died.

Continuously. 2 hours. For the past 3-4 days.

And i dont get any fucking advice.

Great. I'll handle life on my own then. Eff up everything. Coz thats what I'm good at.

Anyways, i need to concentrate on studies.

I wish I was a happy person.

-I had to block you from twitter. I stalk you almost everyday, seriously. And I can't forget you this way.

Haven't been blogging for a while now.

I swear school is fucking my life up.

Anyways, Friendship is back to normal now :)

But, i guess you found out I have a crush on you- thats what they say.
But I swear I melted when you said Hi to me.
omfg. Well, its obvious i stalk you-.-

I need to stop that:)

Heck it, lets just be friends first. We barely know each other.

IDGAF if you're younger than me. TEEHEE.

But yeah, she shouted your name from the 3rd floor, and you looked up.

Feeling embarassed, I went away.

And dammit, you came all the way up.

GOSHXCZ.

k.nvm. It'll never happen.

High hopes.PFFT.

so well, prelims on 24th august.

omfg!!!

nvmd, with motivation from fat lips, i can do it! k.lame shit.

P.S- stop coming around me. Me not like you-.- plus, those were just rumours in sec3. Go away:D

Rumours spreading, people think i smoke.

Guys, i hate you. thanks for ruining my life.

Now my best friend doubts me.

And dude, you might have just ruined my love life.

I fvking hate you.

Another attempt at moving on: FAILED. thanks to you, beetch_|_