3 Oct..1035pm..i coldnt stand it anymore.i cant concentrate on my studies..wish i could restart 2010 again.i hate this. i asked for it,and now i'm regretting it.boy do i deserve this..after all i have done,maybe i do deserve this.everyday without fail,at least one tear runs down my face.no one knows it.except myslef and maybe my sis..silent crying in the day..and non stop waterworks throughout the night..i swear i cant sleep..i'm being haunted by those memories.i love those memories but i hate it coz im thinking of it now..exams are near..and all i can think about is this? wth is wrong with me?why did i allow all this to affect me deeply?why do i get hurt easily?why now?when will this end?and yeaa..i used to think that heartpain was just an expression for heartbroken..till i really felt the pain in my heart..its horrible..so sharp,feels as though im going to die..its the worst pain ever..it relly peirces through you heart..and i get it every night..coz thats when all my sadness and regrets for the day come out..feels good that i let it all out but the hurt remains..and continues tmrw..well,i guess this is going to be neverending..and i cant do anything abouit it..ok..i dont wanna say anything else now..i just cant seem to put how i feel now in words..a total of 6 ______! only 6! and this is what happens when i loved every momentof it,when i didnt want it to end..life is too unfair at times like this..haishh..i really need a hug now..just wanna cry it all out..and i dont wanna blog anymore abt this..i dont wanna pollute my blog with unhappy posts..i just wanna get away from this life..i have been through too much 4 me to handle.just wanna be on my own..no reflections or whatsoever..just alone..in a void...yeaa..that would be the best and only option... 4oct10-school as usual...i forgot all about ystd...as usual,friends cheered me up,made my day:) AND SEAN!!!!no hug sia today:( lol..and stop getting into trouble la!!aiyoo..anyways...we all sat like a panel of judges again..syazman was auditioning..haha..cuteness...brought "love the way u lie" lyrics to school..noraza trying to sing...then wrote down for her the lyrics "unfaithful"..she n mano sang...hehe^^ cute cute!!so yeaa..rusydi drew alot of things..his drawings are damn damn nice..i took pictures:) haha...and yeaa....noraza n me talked about the same things we usually talked about...and noraza!!understand my point of view pleasee!!i need to mix with both sides...balance up !!stop thinking about what others think ok...and besides,u got the whole point wrong..ur just creating stories in ur mind...dont give a damn about what others said..u influencing me?what crap sia...serious eh...kau tk mau regret pasal bende ni semuer ok..its not ur fault..i be who i wanna be la...asal ngan diorang...dont get affected by all these..let them think what they wanna think ok...:) anws...brought famous amos cookies to school..piranhas n monsters finished it up before recess...niceee...and yeaa..i finally ate in school sia...wow!!one whole week of no sch food..now finally:) i likee:)so yeaa..today felt like a hang out day with friends...we didnt have many lessons...and yeaa..nani read the malay-english poem thingy...whenever come to her name and her father name,she wont read it out loud..haha!!SO CUTE HER REACTION!!so anyways...talkes with sean n shanmuka about kali?and tamil movies...then SCHOOL FINISHED!!yeaaa...dad fetched me...now gonna study luhh...just wanna update bout today:)and ystd..coz i typed it out in my phone last night...dont want it to go to waste..haha! SO YEAAA....----and people!!!!thanks for the concern and all..i promise i wont do it again:)