Oh look I haven't updated this blog for 9 months. Probably the only reason I come back here is to recall and relive every milestone throughout my life.

So where do I begin.

I was with Sam, for 3 months. Then things just went wrong. And I feel so bad for him because it's been 3 years since we knew each other, and every time we're so close to being happy, something just fucks it up.

I'm sorry. I know it's easy to say this but so hard to do, but please just move on. I'm not worth it, I'm not a keeper, I'm not what your friends think I am. I'm tired of leading you on, I'm tired of keeping you waiting for nothing.

Relationships aren't my thing. So basically, I'm not intending to get into one anytime soon. Heh, not as if anyone else wants a relationship with me.

Anyways, I miss Azfar. Basically, he's a guy whom I got to know of back when I was in Sec 4, and I was too afraid to add him up and start a convo with him because HOLY SHIT HE'S SO HOT.
Well, eventually we became friends, and pretty close in fact in just 2 months.
I even forgot he was my "crush" till we started talking.
Ugh. I miss him.

Besides all that, I'm done with Y2S1. PRAISE THE LORD. I have been waiting for holidays ever since this semester started. Got my scholarship WHOOP WHOOP.
__________________________________________________________________________

I WANNA GO FOR BMTH'S CONCERT. UGH. I WANNA GO SO BAD. SOMEBODY BUT ME TICKETS FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT I WILL SMOTHER YOU IN KISSES AND LOVE YOU FOREVER OK.
__________________________________________________________________________
~You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me

I've confessed

It's been 7 months since I've liked Frozard. I finally confessed to him 2 days ago. He seemed so friendly and he wasn't freaked out about the whole thing. That made me like him even more. However, I remained anonymous because it'd kinda be weird to see him around in school and know that he knows me. haha! so yeah, I remained anon.
But then, two days later a.k.a today, I decided to just tell him who I am coz I didnt really find a reason not to. I was in the "heck care" mood. So yeah, I told him. And that's it. He didn't really entertain the fact that "I like him". I mean, the least he could do was try to keep up the convo because it would really mean alot to me.
I guess he just likes Chinese girls though:/ Or maybe I'm not attractive enough for him. Or maybe he gets many girls telling him such thigns so I'm probably "just another one". O rmaybe he's attached. UGH. This is so stressful.
Anyways, at least I don't regret this. Well, not quite. I don't wanna keep this bottled up in me for like ever. So its kind of a good thing that I told him.

I've started to meet Uncle Sam again! He hasn't changed one bit, except for his hair though-.- We met like after 1 year! I like being around him, it's fun. And I'm slowly "being myself" around him. It's nice.
But then again. idk if this would lead to other things though. It's like, I want it to but I don't.
I wouldn't mind having him as more than a friend, but my feeling towards Frozard a stronger. What if I get together with Uncle Sam, and then I'll see Frozard around in school and be like "dammit, i still like you" I don't want that. I wanna be sure of who I like, then step into a relationship. And for now, I'm pretty sure I like Frozard (Although he indirectly turned me down). So its either I wait till my feeling for Frozard fade away, then get into a relationship with whoever I like next; or just accept the fact that I'm fucking in love with frozard and I'll never get over him.
Even if I do get over Frozard, it'll take me real REAL long to genuinely get over him. Perhaps 10 months?
Sucks to have a crush on someone you don't even know as a friend.

Dammit Frozard I really like you :(

Everyone hates me

Sis  boyfriend said this "I wouldnt be surprised if you become and anorexic bitch with cuta and emo problems"
Firstly, that just goes to show how much you think of those who actually, genuinely suffer from anorexia.
People who suffer from anorexic aren't bitches okay.
These problems are fucking serious and shouldn't be made fun if. It's a mental disorder. And if you're too mentally stable to understand that then don't fucking comment on anything.

You don't know how much thsi will affect me. Yes, words do hurt. But to a self harmer, it hurts more. Emotionally and physically. Thank you for hurting me.

This really goes to show that no one understands a self harmer. They think that they do it for the attention, for the fun of it. But you're wrong. You're oh-so-fucking wrong okay. We don't want the attention. We're fine on  our own. We've realised that no one cares so we confide to no one. We don't rely on anyone. Everyone has forgotten us.
We are not attention whores. Those who cut for attention would be the ones who tell other" I cut myself yesterday. See"
Genuine self harmers do not want anyone to find out this shit. Look at me. I wear shorts to school,yes. Just because I'm comfortable in them. I don't wear long sleeve shirts because its fucking hot, and because my cuts aren't on my arms. Whenever I sit down, I always pull my shorts down, I don't want anyone to see anything. But I know they still do.

Oh forget it.
Everyone's judgemental. Thankk god I'm not. I'm just mental.

I'm in school now. And I feel horrible.
Life doesn't move smoothly for me doesn't it?
I cried again yesterday, cut again yesterday.
The last I cried and cut so much was when I broke up with my ex.
Why does this feel as bad as that when all I was to you is just a fling.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
You've probably moved on already, kissing some other girl. Just as fast as you moved on from your ex girlfriend to me. Oh wait, I'm wrong. I was just a fling.
You assured me I wouldn't regret this. I do now.
You told me that you had this strong feeling that everything would be okay, I trusted you. You let me down.

Every day is a new day for me, yet I'm faced with the same challenges. Trying to survive and not be so suicidal.
I'm depressed and suicidal and extremely emotional and whatever not. But no one close to me understand my plight.
It's so hard to not cry every night. The past few days I've been crying my heart out, but no one hears me right?
You wouldn't bother either right?
I bet you don't miss me. I bet you were'nt even emotionally attached to me, like you claimed to be.
You only said those things to make me feel special, not alone.
Did you know that every action of yours, every word you say affects me?
Did you know that I'll cut myself because of the people who leave me?
I bet you didn't. And even if you knew it, I bet you wouldn't give a fuck because I'm history to you.
Fuck this.

I miss you. I yearn to text you everyday but I'm afraid of your reply. I'm afraid that your reply is too harsh that it'll emotionally scar me more. Depression.

Today was a shitty day. I couldn't take it anymore. You didn't text me for 3 daysand it really got me so damn emotional.
I thought you were one of those jerks, who want me just to fulfill their needs, and then they fuck off.
Finally gathered the courage to text you. And you told me stuff I never knew about. Appparently I texted you in a very offensive manner. But in my phone, I had no such records of these messaged.
I tried to tell you this, I tried to explain to you but you just wouldn't listen to me would you.
It's ironic how you asked me to trust you, but then you don't trust me.
I don't usually trust people easily but you somehow got me into it. And then you just decide to disappear and leave me hanging, wondering what I've done.
I swear, I never sent any of those messages. I don't know any other possible way to explain this to you. If you don't believe me, I can't do anything about it. It's your choice.
I miss you so much and you aren't even my boyfriend.
I opened up to you. I don't usually open up to people easily, but there was just something about you that made it so easy for me to open up.
Honestly, why would I want to lie to you about anything? Why would I want to lie to anyone about anything? I am already such an emotional mess who gets depressed over the littlest of things. I wouldn't lie to you about those texts. I swear I didn't do anything, yet you left me. You still don't believe me don't you?
I only knew you for a week yet you made me feel so loved, so special, so happy. I wasn't as emotional as I was before. But then now, everything is gone. You are gone. Everything just crushed upon me.
And I'm left to think, what have I done to deserve this. Why does everyone leave me in the end? What's wrong with me? Am I like a people-repellant or something?

Listen. I like you, but I guess you only treat me as a fling. I had too many high hopes. I thought that you'd end up being my boyfriend one day, but I was so wrong.
I cried. Alot. You wouldn't know this. Even if you do, I bet you wouldn't give a fuck because you don't care aout me anymore. Because you think I'm some bitch who lets insecurities get the better of me. I'm not. I don't know how to put this in any other way.
You're leaving me for something I didn't do.
I don't want you to leave me. I really don't. You mean so much to me now. I hate this.


I miss how when we met, we instantly clicked, although we had so many awkward moments. We barely spoke. But when I looked at you, I felt so happy. Nothing else could ruin this. I eagerly wait to meet you everyday after school. Spend some time with you. Share a few kisses here and there. Be like a couple. Playfully pushing you away because I honestly am scared. I miss how you'd always pull me in closer after every kiss. How you'd hug me tighter whenever I let go from the hug. How you'd nuzzle up to my neck. How you'd tell me I look fine just the way I am. How you'd always want to slap me for having too many scars. How you'd cuddle me from the back and kiss me. How you'd cup my face. How you'd try to get me to kiss you. How your hand fit so perfectly into mine. How your hands rested so beautifully around my waist. How you'd tuck my hair behind my ear.
Your neck kisses. Your cheek kisses. You.

I don't love you, but I honestly want to.

Life falls apart yet again..

221012: 18th birthday. No celebration in school, just a small one at home. Frozard wished me on my birthday, and I felt so elated about it. But at the end of the day, I found out the Adeline was the one who asked him to wish me. So that hurt me bad, he didn't even intend to wish me.
Ramesh didnt message me as well. I was kinda having high hopes, expecting he'd wish me on my birthday. but no. So I cried real bad because of these two. REAL BAD.
I'mm too emoti9onal. Even I can't handle myself.

It's been like 3 months since I last updated.
Oh well, lots of things happened within this period of time.
I had a couple like best friend, things went to far and I cut contact with him.
Meanwhile, there's this other dude who's only in it for the lust. And guess what, he already has a girlfriend.
But yeah, I know my limits. I'm just entertaining him till I get enough "evidence" to bomb him and finally get him out  of my life.
He's hot though. LOL.
And Frozard. I can't stalk his tweets anymore because they're privatised. :(
But thankfully, he privatised them at the right moment. I've found out tons of things about him.
Well, he got a tattoo not to long ago, which makes him like 10 times hotter than he is now.
And that idiot also posted up his cotnact number, so yes, I'm the clingy (not)girlfriend and I took it down and saved it in my phone.
Cheeky much.
It's the holidays now. 5.5 weeks. Schools gonna start in about 3 weeks time. Dang it.
Started working out recently coz I want flat abs. But then again, I see no results so I'm just gonna bum that idea and start eating candies again yea?

Anyways, me and that douche guy have been chatting alot quite recently. I mean, I like him- he's friendly. But when I think about his intentions, they're no good. And then I start to hate him so damn much. We were supposed to meet today. But then he was lazy, I was lazy. So yeah, we called it off.
I don't even think he's sincere enough. I mean, if you really wanna meet a girl, you'd actually come on over to meet her. You wouldn't force her to meet you if she doesn't want to.
Oh, heck that. I'll blast him off, soon enough.

Holidays are gonna end soon and I pray, I PRAY SO HARD, that there'll be at least one hot indian guy in my class next semester.
Even a normal indian guy would do. I need a indian guy best friend. It's about time. At least then, I'll have someone to hang out with after school, or someone who'll do RJ with me or something.
That'd be cool.

Well, this turned out to be a pretty long post. Oh well.
I'm out.

So basically I've got Science UT on Wednesday and I'm not prepared.
Anyways, I didn't see Frozard today. How sad.
But he did tweet a picture of himself! That made my day way better:)
Hard to see him around in school nowadays, he drives/rides to school.
Haiss.
Anyways, have I spoken about my temptation to change my Facebook name to Vini Eggarhhh ??
Yeah. I want to. And I might:D

I can't help but to imagine what it'd be like if Frozard were to find out everything.
The possiblities are that he likes me too, we become friends or he just fucking ignores me like now.
Or worst, he's attached.

If he ever find out, I'll definitely let him see my blog or my twitter or all the other places that I write about him.

Okay, enough abotu Frozard.
 I didn't study today, so Imma try do a lil bit studying now.
Bye:D

So, UTs have started. And I guess I'm sorta kinda maybe a little too busy with all that.
TEEHEE:)
Anyways, went out with Rusydi and Hanafi, yesterday and today. I really do miss hanging out with them.
So yeah. Might be going to Bugis with them on Friday as well.
Anyways, Frozard got his bike license already. :D
Was walking to school today, and then I saw Frozard on his bike. Oh god. He looks too hot on a bike. MY MORNING WAS MADE.
And after that, Rusydi and Hanafi crashed my class and we left together to head to Ang Mo Kio to just chill. And Frozard was in the fucking same ift as me. STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
THIS MEANS THAT I WAS BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS HIM. then I moved towards Rusydi cause I was kinda scared and I guess you could say "intimidated" by him, coz the lift was packed, and we were standing real close to each other.
HAISS! what a great day.
I honestly wanna get to know him. But he seems so silent. He looks friendly, but he's very silent. Always with his headphones on.
Oh well! 3 years Vini. As I said, something is bound to happen:)

Tomorrow is Comms UT. Wish me luck;)

Wow. I've disappeared from here for quite long. Well, I won't update my blog much often though. You'll rarely see me here:)

Anyways, Poly started about a month ago. Yes I am in Republic Poly,in case you people didnt know.
Exams are nearing. Next week to be exact. Haven't been studying because I'm a badass. Jyea2.

Let's summarise my main concern in school. And that is Frozard.
Basically, I don't even know him personally, I just see him around in school, but I like him. I really really do.
Being a girl, I always stalk guys I like^^
So, I found out that he's a famous (somewhat) dancer. And then I'm like 'Dammit, I have no chance with him."

And he satisfies all my criterias of a potential boyfriend.
Dancer, smoker, artist, pierced ears, athlete.
He's like so talented, and then there's me.
I'm just....there.
Talent-less, not even up to anyone's expectations I bet.

It'd be a miracle if he ever approaches me.
I think he knows I exist, I mean he has to! We pass by each other so many times!

LOL. SO MUCH FOR THIS BEING SUMMARISED.

Can't wait for school to reopen, and hopefully see him. GOD! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR ALMOST 2 WEEKS!

Oh well, I still have 3 years in this school. Something is bound to happen between me and him.
I hope.

Hello Bloggie:)
Well, Versace model turned out to be a jerk after all. I didn't go on double date with him. I purposely cancelled. I don't like him already.
He's attached. He lied to me saying he already broke up.
Anyways, I don't like his personality. He's got that douchebag personality.
I miss RBG. Long time no see, Long time no text. I forgot how he looks like:(
Goodness, why must he be attached.
Anyways, heck that. Guys are the main cause of my problems.
Oh well, I gotta forget him, can't get an attached guy.
So yeah, thats about it:)
kbye. I wanna update my Tumblr.

I REGRET CHANGING MY FACEBOOK LAYOUT!

MY 300TH POST:)
alright, not much into blogging here anymore.
anyways, Imma just update lil' bits and pieces about my life.
So yeah, i just quit my NTUC job. idw work already. plus, if I continue working there, I will fall for RBG more.
OH YEAH, RBG!!!
cute guy working at ntuc.
HIS FACE, I LIKE THAT SHIT.
anyways, versace model came to my counter a few days back. yeah, then eversince that day, he kinda flirting with me. pfft. but I'm over him!!
he told me i looked pretty eventhough I was working.
he said he wanted to watch a movie with me soon.
so yeah, both of us would just be awkward..
so i asked adeline and brandon to come along too.
yeah man. DOUBLE DATE!
oh yeah, i got RP-integrated events management.
FUCK YEAH. RP engineering school got alot of indian guys.
POTENTIAL!!!!
ntuc called me today. tomorrow must go down to sign resignation letter all that crap.
urgh. so frustrating. at least I'll see RBG though.
teehee.
kbye, i got other things to do:)

Oh god! Its been ages since I updated my blog. Well yeah, holidays started and I'm looking for jobs with adeline. Not going well though. I'm too tired of searching for jobs already. Lets just bum at home.
Anyways, I don't wanna update much on what happened, its too much.
So yeah, updates about yesterday!
SINGAPORE IS NO LONGER A NARNIAN CITY!
Liam Payne called in 91.3FM yesterday at about 10.12pm?
I waited so long listening to the radio and he finally came on.
He spoke to those selected fans (who seem like directinators to me)
Its real stupid girls, when you wished him a happy anniversary with Danielle, and then you ask him for his hand in marriage? WTF? Not cool bro. Not cool.
yeah, if I were there I'd probably ask about his kiss with Zayn! haha. Apparently, Zayn said in an interview that they unintentionally kissed.
And I'd also ask if it were true that the lads have tumblr and twitter accounts where they act like directioners.
Oh god, that'll be epic!

yeah, anyways.. cant update much now.
gonna head to grandma's place now.
AND I'M SO GOD DAMN SICK!

Had an emotional breakdown last night. Like 2.30 am.
Kinda feels good to let it all out after quite a long time.
But yeah, woke up with horrible eyebags.

Anyways, finding a job with Adeline.
Well, we're gonna meet up tomorrow and discuss all this things.
Thinking of working at pastamania or kinokuniya or takashimaya or Manhattan portage.
Okay, alot of places huh?
Well, we shall see which one has the vacancy:)
Oh god. I really want a job!

But yeah, If i can't get any of those jobs. I'll just work at Cheers or something.
Or teach tuition:)))) huhuu^^

Oh well, besides all that. Nothing much happened recently.
DAD'S COMING HOME TONIGHT!
yeah man \m/

And yeah, I NEED TO GET ONE DIRECTION'S ALBUM AND BOOKS.
NOT A WANT.
IT'S A FUCKING NEED.

oh wait, dee kosh said to replace all vulgarities with OMNOMNOMN!
So yeah,
NOT A WANT.
IT'S A OMNOMNOMN NEED!

k lame uh. bye.

What would you do if the person whose attention means the world to you, ignores you?
It sucks.
I really wanna tell him I love him. I seriously never felt this way before.
But the thing is that, he doesn't look at me nowadays.
Okay, I've said all that before. But seriously, are guys really that blind to see that a girl is head over heels for him? Or are they purposely blocking that picture off from their minds?
Because if they are, they're stupid.
Is it because they don't wanna give it a chance? Or are they tryna play hard to get?
Either way, it's still stupid. You're not manly that way. That's such a turn off in a guy.
If you don't wanna give it a chance, you could at least talk things out right? Is that too hard?
At least, that proves that you're matured enough to deal with reality straight in the face.

5 days since I last saw him.
He doesn't even know that I use the extra time I have after completing my exam paper just to stare at him. If only he knew.
At times, I have this strong urge to just blurt out everything to him, don't give a damn about his reply, whether he likes me or not.
But then, I realise that I indeed am afraid of the outcome. If things don't work out,(lets say, i tell him i like him, he doesnt like me. there will be awkwardness in our friendship. OR WORSE! he ends the friendship- it gets too awkward to even have a friendship)I'M GONNA EMO.
I hate how I always take at least a year to get over someone. Crush or boyfriend.
It sucks. Take one year to get over someone, and within that period of time, you see them with other friends, all happy and jovial. That proves that the person doesn't even need you in their life.

I asked for this. I ruined everything between us.
I hate how I always think that someone likes me when they chat with me or gives me attention.
He chatted with me, i liked him. He didn't let the convo die(which is a really sweet thing any guy can do). Maybe thats how I started developing un-fade-able feelings towards him.
SUCKY.

Well, and it's even stupid of me to be crying over him when he isn't even mine yet. I'm just hopelessly in love with him and I know I can never get him. EVER. People tell me to have hope, maybe things will work out in the future. But seriously people? You don't always have to be optimistic. You have to be logical and practical. Yeah, so being practical, HE WILL NEVER LIKE ME. Plus, I'm a few months older than him. Isn't that like against our religious code or some shit??
This feels like going through another heartbreak. I'll sit on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out, and no one will know.

What if?
Millions of "what if" questions running through my head.
I don't wanna mention any of it here because it dates back to when I was still in a relationship.
Gosh, if only that relationship worked out, I would be so happy.
Sometimes, I even miss him. I miss how our relationship seemed too perfect. Too perfect to be true. Indeed.
I don't even know what actually happened back them. Everything was fine for me, except for him.
Lack of time spent together, Lack of attention. Yes, he may be materialistic but in relationships, you do need the attention. And yeah, that was my weakness. I never had much freedom because of my dad, as usual, being protective over me and my sis.
Yeah, maybe he got a little pissed off with my lack of freedom.
Well, what could I do then? I WAS JUST A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL.

Well, enough of this reflecting shit.
Let's just sit down and die.
Slit wrists and bleed to death.
Get a friend to commit suicide with.
Grab a sharp object and just stab yourself repeatedly.

Yes, I'm deprived. I need someone to be with me at times like this. But sadly, I have no one.

So yeah. O's are over. Doesnt feel like it though.
Yesterday was the last paper and I found it kinda easy. But well, definitely not gonna be able to get top  few in the school.
haha. Juts hope that I can make it into poly. :)
Currently texting paul. Argh, I'm just so bored nowadays! It's only the first day of holiday and I'm always on my lappy.
Anyways, dad just left to go to Malaysia:) Take care dad! i love you:)
Yesterday marked the day where I have a little bit more freedom:)
I can now fulfill my "list of things to do after O's"
Pierce ear.
Pierce belly button:)
Pierce tongue,lip,dimple piercing(MUST GET)
Rebond my fringe.
Go out with friends.
Meet all the people I'm supposed to meet.
Gather enough courage to face him on results day and tell him I like him.

Yeah, that's about it!

Planning to rebond fringe today, but then sis is being a bitch now.
She's got some hand ache or whatever. Not that I don't care. It's just that, I already planned my stuff, what to do each day. I can't just squeeze in just about anything right!?
Plus, I need to do my hair today so that the smell will prolly be much lesser when dad's home. So that he wouldn't "find out"
And she's making a big fuss over that on Facebook. Yeah, go criticise and insult and put down your family online. So the whole fucking world can see it. Good job sis. Good job.

Yeah anyways, Imma carry on Tubmlrin' and Facebookin' and Twitterin' COZ I FUCKING CAN.

FREEDUMB!

Okay, left with one paper. That is, Science MCQ.
I CAN DO THIS SHIT!
Anyways, I'm kinda losing hope in my love life. NOTHING. JUST NOTHING IS HAPPENING.
We pass by each other, not even a smile, hello, or even a look.
Does he even know how much that hurts me? It feels like he's ignoring me. Maybe he really is though.
Fuck it, I'm hopeless, worthless.
We passed by each other so close today. Like REALLY REALLY CLOSE.
Gosh, that mini heart attack I got when you were so close to me.
But what did you do? NOTHING.
NOT
A
FUCK.

Sucks you know? To be all over a guy and they don't fucking notice you, Then you know that you're just waiting for some shit to happen, WHICH IS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

But whenever I see him, It just makes my day. Whether he notices me or not, Just seeing him brightens me up. This shouldn't be happening.
I'm supposed to be in the process of getting over him. I need to. I don't wanna be waiting so long and then finally realising that it was never worth the wait.
If only I had the fucking guts to talk to him.
Just be like, Hey! I like you. In fact, I'm hopelessly in love with you.
I just wish that I was fearless, living life to its fullest, being care free.
Things would be way easier that way. But no, I sit here, i fucking cry and i fucking cut my hand and fucking create scenarios in my head that'll never happen.
Fuck fear.

Anyways, I don't know what I see in him. I just love him.
Of course, I can live without him, I mean, I have for like the past 17 years of my life. I can be happy without him. But I'll be happier with him.
I dont know why, but I feel that I can tell him everything about me. Freely. Every secret, flaw,insecurity of mine. He looks like the kind of person who'll understand. Someone who'll actually hug me when I'm feeling down.
Does he even know that I think of him such?

GET. OVER. HIM. VINI.

This ignorance from him, I just can't take it. I'd be better off running behind some other guy who'll just use me and fuck off with another girl.

I need a relationship that will last.

 MY OBSESSION WITH ZAYN MALIK IS NEVER ENDING.

WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO UNFFFFF.

I miss having him as a bestfriend boyfriend.
It even got to the extent where we both thought that we had secret crushes on each other.
haha. So sweet :)
That how i want relationships to be. Bestfriends and boyfriend at the same time.
I could be myself whenever I was around with him.
Its like flirtationship. O.o
Lying down on each other, holding hands,tickling and even "almost kissing"
HAHA. yeah, I'd love having such a boyfriend. the very sweet kind.
The one who wouldn't give a damn when I talk open mindedly. In fact, i want him to talk open mindedly with me too.
I remember when he got so upset and angry at me when he saw those marks on my wrist. I found that real sweet. And sometimes, I actually look to him as my boyfriend, and act like how a girlfriend is supposed to act. haha. till others thought that we were having a secret relationship. ;D
I want a kind of guy who'll pull my blouse up when its falling. IDK. i just find that super sweet.
That give me the impression that you're in it for me,and not anything else, just me.BEING WITH ME.
Of course, I'd love romance too. haha. who wouldn't?
I dont wanna be serious all the time.
And yeah, I want a relationship to blossom. from friends,to best friends, then to a boyfriend.
Coz then, i'll really feel comfortable around him.
I don't wanna be all shy and nervous around him.
I wanna be able to hug and kiss him whenever i want, wherever i want. I dont wanna wait for him to hug or kiss me first before i do. i want that kind of "freedom"
Yeah,real hard to find these kind of guys nowadays huh?
Never faced one in my life before. Never had one in my life before.
Sweet guys are like an ENDANGERED SPECIES. You barely find them.
And thats why girls end up being such bitches. Coz mainly, the guys left are just plain douchebags (okay, maybe not all. but yeah, mostly)

Oh well, i just felt the need to say this.
Who knows? He might have somehow got my blog url, and is seeing this right now.
HAHA. high hopes eh vini. HIGH HOPES.

Wonder when I'll get over him. I have to.

Woke up at 1+ today. HAHA. i deserved that super long sleep:)
Anyways, the beginning of today kinda sucked ( except for the part when  I bought SLURPEE:D )
Sis labelled me a minah today. AGAIN.
Just cause I didnt wanna follow her see a movie with a crush.
I mean cmon uh, firstly, he's your crush, I GO FOR WHAT!You spend time with him uh!
And i go also like awkward only.
Plus, I dont feel comfortable with other people around. I wouldn't be myself, and I hate not being able to be myself around others.
Yeah, so cause of that, you called me a minah.
I'm used to this la. You siskit sikit also call me minah.
Why? Coz I fold skirt right? Coz I cry over guys and slit my wrist? Coz i wear "revealing clothes/ modern clothes? Coz i mix with malays.
FUCK YOU SIA.
Heck it la. IDGAF about you already.
And you can put on facebook some more uh " i dont even know why i have a sister."
HAHA. funny sia. Like as if you can even live without me talking to you.
I listen to your stories ALL THE TIME. But you don't.
Whenever i tell you my stories, you're always doing something else. And you'll always be like "wait ahh. i doing something." OR WORSE STILL! after i narrate my whole story, you'll be like "HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING IRRITATING THAT IS?
you never listen to me. I have to solve my own problems. The oly person who actually listens to me and my problems is adeline.

I HATE YOU SIA.
You know what, Imma just ignore you. I'm very sure I can live without talking to you. Whats the difference anyway.

Okay, anger vented already:)
Today, i saved almost all of "teddy bear's" photos in my psp.
Huhuu^^ Can fantasize about him already:))
HAHA.
Oh yeah, this may sound really stupid but Zayn kinda influenced me. Okay, not influenced, but made me change my mind.
I don't think I'm gonna settle for any guy lesser than Zayn.
Must have same awesome personality, awesome hair, awesome lips, oooh not forgetting his arms, superfuckinghot and yeah, just as perfect as he is.
haha. stupid right. but yeah, thats it.
This also means that I'm gonna stop chasing after my "baby"
Alaaa, padehal he can get better loking girls what. I'm not even attractive to start off with.

kbye.
TROLOLOL. my sis just talked to me.
Bitch., STFU.